Listen to me Mother...

Mother, are potatoes costly now?

Grandma gave us rice with gravy today

She saved the potatoes for brother

And fed them to him with butter

When he came back from school.

The baby cried all day today

Grandma said the milk was over

And she wouldn’t drink the rice water.

But I saw brother drinking milk

In the morning before he went to school.

Your cheeks are wet, please don’t cry,

And do not ask Grandma what I told you

For I cannot watch father hitting you again.

Mother, you told me I am three years old

But why can’t I walk like brother and sister?

I heard father say yesterday,

“If she is a cripple let her die.”

He said you burdened him with three girls

He would be happy if he could abandon us.

He said he would throw us out one day

Or take brother and Grandma to a distant land.

It scares me mother to stay at home

When you are away at work the whole day,

If father takes and leaves me far,

I would never be able to walk back to you...

To my sons

There are nights you come up to me,

To hold my fingers and touch my cheeks

And feel the warmth of the blanket.

Cuddling in with me and hugging me tight

You tell me things you saw and heard,

That intrigued and surprised you that day.

Many times you must have received

A slow mumble or a distant look from me

Which must have puzzled you of my concern

When I sent you out into the open world.

Some times when I smile hearing your tales

And press your hands in reassurance

I see my smile reflected on your face

Which does take me to heavenly heights.

I try to fulfill every wish of yours

Not because I am scared

 That you would love me less if I don’t

But because I know, no one else

Can fulfill them with more love than I.

I always try to keep you under my watchful eyes,

I seldom let you go places with others

And insist you tell me where you move about.

I want you to know that it’s only that I feel

You are safe when I can imagine where you are.

On the threshold of adolescence

Soon you would feel annoyed of my clutches

And would want to have secrets from me.

I want you to have your own thoughts

That I promise never to erase outright,

Even if you think aloud.

There have been times when I have refused you

The things you wanted to do,

There have been moments when I screamed at you

And made you hate me for that.

I want you to know that it was not selfishness

That made me deny you your desires

It was because I was just unsure

Of the goodness they would do to you.

May your heart tell you the right and the wrong

May you think independently but with kindness too

May all your wishes be fulfilled with love

May you grow up strong to be on your own

But I would continue my watch over you

For no one can convince me

That they can take care of you better than me.

IT'S KARWA CHAUTH AGAIN!!

I heard about Karwa Chauth fifteen years back. I was on my way back from a cocktail party thrown by a friend to celebrate her promotion. At seven o’ clock while returning home I found a colleague and his wife roaming about on the streets looking up at the sky. I found it ridiculous seeing the lady’s flushed up face and tired look. She looked as if she might faint anytime and the husband was solemn and silent, holding her arm. I was curious. As he was also invited for the promotion party I asked him why he had not turned up. He gave me a slow smile and said,”Actually she had planned the party on a wrong day. Today is Karwa Chauth” The man had declared allegiance to his wife by not going to the party because she had kept the fast for his well being and was waiting for the moon to show up so she can break her fast. The couple was out searching for the moon. By this time another neighbor who had kept the fast ventured near and asked me, “Didn’t you keep the fast?” When I replied in the negative, she gave me a look which made me go red in the face without fasting.

I did not want to explain that I did not know about Karwa Chauth or that I did not believe in fasts though I was not a glutton. Initially I thought Karwa meant the same as 'bitter'. The fast was a hard thing to do and so named bitter. Only recently I learnt that 'karwa' means an earthern pot with a spout - a symbol of peace and prosperity- that is necessary for the rituals and 'Chauth' means the 'fourth day' of the new moon on which the festival falls. There have been instances where I have been forced to go without food or skip meals due to many extraneous factors but the thought of fasting purposely would throw me into a fit of hypoglycemia. A lady at work who used to observe fasts every week due to domestic pressure once told me, “It is so good that in your house you don’t have to keep fasts.” Now that was some revelation to me. The poor lady was observing fasts every other day because her mother in law wished so. Can that be included in our fundamental rights? The right to choose whether to keep or not to keep a fast? All I could do for her was to not eat my regular quota of dry fruits and chocolates which I keep munching between meals sitting next to her, to keep my hunger pangs away.

Last year, returning from school I found the ladies of the society in the lawn waiting for their turn to get henna designs done on their hands and feet. One of them who was sitting on the bench with her salwar thrust up till her knees for letting the design to be drawn on her feet, called out to me. She wanted me too to get it done. I said I did not keep the fast but I didn't mind painting my hands. So I sat there and got the designs done on both my hands expressing solidarity with the tribe. While they were getting the designs done on their hands the women were throughout complaining of their household chores and their husbands who returned from work to relax at home and never moved a little finger to help them. I smiled at the thought that how wonderful a species were they, who even when narrating the insensitiveness of the men in their lives where enthusiastically preparing to give up food for a whole day for them.

How many husbands would keep a fast like that for their wives? May be there are many, who would hold their woman’s arm to watch the moon appear and some who would pamper them with gifts bought out of guilt for a day’s starvation. That is enough reward for even a grudged soul to reconcile and look forward to the next Karwa Chauth.

It’s the eve of Karwa Chauth again; time to apply henna and get ready for a day’s abstinence from food. Let love deepen and spread its warmth throughout the year ahead. Happy Karwa Chauth! Wish for a cloudless sky and hope the moon comes out on time.