Monday, 24 November 2014

A futile attraction


That was quite ravishing;
A momentary passion,
A violent attraction,
It was there and gone
Like the brush of a wild wind
From across some unknown land.

Something that was not to be;
A fluttering that left no fatigue,
Caught by a tumbling glance,
A casual but mysterious smile,
Like the fleeting of a rain
On a peaceful ravine.

The wasted honey combs

At the end of the rainbow
I met them
Hanging on to a thin film
Of hope or despair?

The hard wind
Shattered their home.
Their hours of labour,
Building blocks in white
Lay exhausted,
On the green grass below.

Trust never fails
Perseverance pays
They build the hive again
Buzzing busily as ever

As to their razed home,
The wasted honey combs
Lay oozing nectar
On the thin blades of grass
And fed the little brown birds
Serenading songs of joy.



Thursday, 20 November 2014

Two eyes

“Your son is your eye. Everyone has two eyes. So having one son is not enough. You should have two.”
This is a piece of village wisdom I heard as I sat listening one day to this chatty young man of twenty two years.

He had recently migrated in search of a job from his native village in Baliya, somewhere near the Bihar border in UP. He has not done any other job before other than working in the fields.

He told me he was eating food from a distant relative’s place as he did not know how to cook. I chuckled as I knew that now he was forced to work in a dhaba ( a way side hotel) as he could not find any other work. He gave me a shy smile and said he had not started cooking there yet. He was helping with the delivery.   

He became enthusiastic when I asked him about his wife. She was a year or two younger to him and did all the work in the house.

I knew he had a son and a daughter, so in a chiding tone asked him whether it was not a burden to have two kids so early in life. To my astonishment, he withdrew his eyes to look down and with a bashful smile said, “Theesra parson paida hua ma’am.”

His youngest son was born a day before. Thanks to the cell phone revolution, he was informed of the birth of his son immediately. Seeing my accusing eyes, he shrugged and said that he is helpless as he has to listen to his elders. Being the youngest son, the responsibility of his parents is on him. His elder brother stays in far away Delhi. He was asked to marry at the age of 15 as there was no girl in the house to help his mother. He got a son and daughter but his father wanted him to have another son; the reason being the one stated in the beginning. On needs to have two eyes!! 

It’s like keeping one in reserve! Wishful thinking or foolish hope?


Coming to my eyes...
I asked my elder son Udai once, “Will you take Amma and Achan with you wherever you go?”
“Why?” he asked, “You have Varun!”
I turned to Varun and asked the same.


He was quicker. “I will send you money every month. Just tell me how much you want!”

Friday, 8 August 2014

A gypsy life


My gypsy soul is never at strife

To fit my super gypsy life!



Greens and rains make me smile

The city buzz is not missed even awhile.



No mad rush, no haughty glances,

Slow is the pace but happy are the faces.



I love the lingering calmness,

Kindness is abounding in remoteness.



These simple people make me realize;

Being tender is still worth a prize.





Tuesday, 15 July 2014

My Little Rascals



“Parents dread the ominous “teenagers years” but what they fail to comprehend is that the feeling is almost always mutual, because let’s be honest, between the ages of 13 and 18 (11 and 19 if your parents have particularly bad karma), parents are by far THE MOST frustrating beings to roam this ever so “annoying” planet.”

Really???

 When does actual teenage start? At 13 or at 11? I believe it starts at a very young age nowadays or rather, as soon as the child is born.

“Don’t you feel sad?” I asked my younger son.

“Should I?” I was countered with a question and a mischievous smile.

Well...should he? I started thinking. What has been done is done.

I was confronting him; an attempt to make him feel a little guilty and more responsible. I had his math question paper in hand. A question which I had made him practice the previous day appeared in his question paper with the same numbers and signs but he, to my disgust, had done it wrong.

A five years younger I would definitely have shouted and screamed at the child. Now I have mellowed down. I have started to accept things as they are.  That way, I find it is easier to stay happy as a mother of two teenage boys.

The pressure of a change of place, a change of house and environment looming over my mind’s horizon, I hear this next, “Amma, are you planning to work at the next place?”

 I shudder at the thought of  settling myself to another surrounding, which is inevitable, but all the more trying, if I take up a job.

"I have not decided. Why do you ask?" 

I get a more impish smile as reply and I know the answer. He is waiting for an iPad which I promised to buy for him if I start working again.

To my silent stare he responded thus, “You can leave the job after you buy me an iPad.”


Well, life is much easier as a child...err...a teenager. 



Friday, 20 June 2014

One life; many things to learn

The last time I was in a bookshop,  I picked up a book from the shelf. It was Dr Brian Weiss’s ‘Many Lives Many Masters’. I got an immediate look of dissaproval from my husband; almost the same kind of look which I got a couple years back when I bought the book, ‘How to become a Buddha in five weeks’. He had viewed my progress with that book suspiciously and had kept a close watch on me those days lest I get enlightened and walk out straight to the mountains. Well, this one was even more serious, the hormonal imbalances of middle age combined with the reading of a book dealing with past life regression can turn risky. I gave him a reassuring smile and said that I wanted to read it like fiction and had no intention of turning psychic. Mutual trust being a key element in marital life, he nodded in accord.

I could find nothing new in the book. Reincarnation and past life regression are interesting as long as it concerns another person. 

One philosophy I liked in it is that we reincarnate repeatedly  in physical form because we need to learn many things. We learn something in every birth; patience, love, care, trust, forgiveness and the like. This led me to ponder upon what I need to learn in my life. 

There is no end to what I need to learn in my life time. So I started thinking about what I need to learn that particular moment or that particular day. It is surprising that what we dismiss as ordinary occurrence  in everyday life can also be invigorating.  I felt injured at heart yesterday at a trivial incident.  A feeling of hurt triggers anger. Anger is our immediate reaction to hurt but anger never mitigates the feeling of hurt. It can only stretch the hurt feeling to another person. Hurt easens out with time. We should give ourselves a little time before we decide to express our displeasure to the person whom we hold responsible for our feeling of hurt.  So, I gave myself time. After sometime I still felt a little hurt but I was not angry. Anger dissipates at the same pace as it takes to erupt if we stop feeding it. That was a big lesson for one day. 

I will try and  take one day at a time to learn from now on. 

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

You laugh at my concerned glances
And hide your worries in your smile
But you forget you grew out of me,
Who hears the rhythm of your heart,
Even when you are not playing it loud.


Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Hanuman Pandaram

Monsters seem real in childhood. They exist in the dark and in nightmares. What if they come alive in front of our eyes? What if we can really hear their menacing hullabaloo?

Well, there was one such live monster in my childhood who made me shiver and close my eyes even when I didn’t want to for when it was past nine at night and I was still awake, my mother would say, “Sleep quickly! I can hear the shriek of the Hanuman Pandaram!” I would close my eyes tightly and pretend to be asleep.

Hanuman Pandaram used to visit our house at least once in a month, with a big sack on his back. I was told that it contained many children whom he had captured and was taking home to eat. He made a deafening sound beating the thick copper plate he held up in his hand. I can still feel a tremble in my heart, when I try to recollect his bright and ferocious face. I learnt afterwards that he put that mask on just before stepping into the courtyard of each house.
In his loud voice he would deliver his regular cry beating the copper plate with a hammer kind of thing after each line. It went like this:

Is there any child who does not brush teeth…?

Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding

Is there any child who does not obey….??

Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding

Is there any child who wets the bed...????

Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding

Is there any child who does not go to school…?????

Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding

The masquerade along with the cry and the sound of the copper plate was appalling to a naive child like me. 

After this performance, he would remove his mask; quietly accept a measure of rice or some money from my mother or grandmother and leave. I would then emerge from my hiding place with shaking legs.

When I knew he was there in the courtyard, I would run and hide under the cot. For this reason, I have never properly seen his face, which I regret now. All I remember is a riot of red, white, black and green and two bulging eyes. Hanuman is the monkey god, a very loyal disciple of the lord. Hanuman is to be revered and not to be terrified of but ‘pandaram’ in our childhood lexicon was synonymous with fiend. So, the Hanuman pandaram, to all children, was a beast who comes to eat them.

One day when I was three or four years old, my father forced me to go out to meet him. I saw a lean man with a sack on his back. He was wearing a loose shirt and a lungi. When he saw me coming, he took out his huge mask from the sack. Before he wore it I was inside the house, hiding.

Slowly with age, I understood that my Pandaram was a poor gentleman who made a living wearing the huge mask, helping kind parents to keep their wayward little children under their control. I remember hearing that his father was also a Pandaram. He must have inherited the mask from his father. He stopped coming after sometime and later someone told that he died.

There are no pandarams now.

Even if there was one now, will parents have time to listen to a Pandaram’s cry? Will he be able to scare the new generation kids who see more fiendish beings in the cyber world?

Now when I go home, I see my mother run behind my two year old nephew when his parents are away at work. Perhaps, a Hanuman Pandaram’s visit can fetch her some respite from the toddler’s mischievous activities. If not scared, the child would at least be amused.

Children now are spared the fear and trepidation of a Pandaram’s visit but I feel they are also deprived of such wonderful specimens of fictional and factual lore.