After tenth standard, the choice of learning Science was my
own. I had no idea that the Science I had
known till then would change its guise totally and would appear like a monster
in front of me. My poor parents seeing my fresh enthusiasm to learn arranged
the best tutors for me to learn Physics, Chemistry and Biology. I very proudly
went to my first Physics class with cemented confidence. The tutor was a lean
man of about thirty five with a beard. He had separate batches for boys and
girls. When I reached there I saw that there were four benches and desks put
around. All were already occupied by some fifteen girls. One of the
girls generously made a little space for me to plant myself. The tutor was
sitting in one of the benches flanked by two of his students on each side. He was
asking the marks scored by each for SSLC. Hearing their marks, I found that I was
having the least. I don’t have any memory of studying hard for exams in school.
So, whatever mark I obtained was indeed more than what I deserved and I was
perfectly satisfied with it. The teacher’s eyes almost popped out as he heard
my score and seemed to be in doubt how he admitted me in his elite group of
students. I learnt later that he had taken me after a recommendation from a
friend of my father. He gave me a stern look and declared he didn’t believe I was
going to do well in Physics. I gave him a distant look and pretended not to
hear his remark. Most of the girls sitting there were rank holders and high
distinction owners.
As the class progressed I realized that the tutor was right.
I did not understand a single statement he taught. All the other girls were
asking and clearing doubts. They were all aiming to crack the IIT and
Medical entrance exams. I enjoyed watching them. Soon the tutor realized that
he was having an onlooker in his class and quite vindictively put a question to
me. I had no idea of what it was. My silence was taken as an opportunity by him to vituperate. I felt tear drops looming around my eyeballs which I tried to
fight back by constant blinking. He must have thought that I was too brazen to
sit quietly through it all. He finally hammered the final nail on the coffin by
saying that he thought I did not even understand English. This was something I could
not bear and tears started flowing down my cheeks to my worst humiliation.
Tears are always a woman’s powerful weapon. Even the unkind tutor was shaken by
that. He took my notebook from me and tried to pacify me by explaining the
theorem all over again. I had no interest though. All I wished for then was to
turn into a monkey so that I can pounce on him, scratch his face and pull his
beard out. 
When I walked back home from there, it was raining. The rain
worked as a disinfectant for my wounded soul. As soon as I reached home, I took
the phone’s receiver and dialed my father’s office number. I told him what
happened and said I didn’t want to learn under that tutor again. He was silent
for a moment and then said, “If you don’t like then don’t go.”
I could say no to the tutor but I could not say no to
Physics. If Physics was Greek to me, Chemistry was Latin. I had to learn them
for two years to pass the course. I studied both on my own from then on and
managed to get a decent percentage of marks which was more than enough for me
to get admission for the subject I wanted to study, English literature. I have
never regretted my choices thereafter. Getting to live the life of your choice is the greatest freedom.
I read recently that people who seek happiness are said to
be people without ambition. My ambition is to be happy. I am perfectly happy.
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